A lot of this may not make sense... my brain is trying to wrap it's self around emotions and thoughts.
Our whole lives certain days hold meaning - there are holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations days, due dates - dates seem to stick in my brain and each year certain dates mean certain things.
Coming up is the hardest date, and not because it is my own grief. One of my closest friend's lost her baby 4 years ago on this date - one that would be gladly forgotten - but that is just not possible. That isn't the way my brain works and I know hers doesn't either.
Here's where it is complicated (I'm not sure this is even the right word). Nine months ago I calculated my due date and with in minutes thought of how close it was to Grace's death date. I prayed I would either come earlier or later than this date - I really don't want to be celebrating the birthday of my child on one of the hardest dates for my dear friend each year. It just doesn't seem right. It is hard enough that it is the same season and no matter what will be really close. I don't know why it bothers me so, but it does. Even a few more weeks apart would be nice, but that isn't reality. So I will wait and hope for a different date, praying for my friend as she walks through this 4th season of more intense grief that comes as the leaves fall and the air grows crisp.
Sigh....
2 comments:
I remember how much this impacted you. You are a good friend for remembering the date so well and for grieving with your friend. I'm sure it means a lot to her.
When someone we love goes through such intense loss, our hearts are forever changed and our entire way of thinking is more tender. It's part of God's great design for community. Your sweet friends surely know your heart aches for them and yet they probably also rejoice in life. May this new baby girl bring a renewed sense of life and joy to your little community of friends. God has a perfect plan for the arrival date of your little one, have peace in His plan.
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