Okay - I admit it, we've struck out in the car department here in Hawaii. Our Bronco - while fun while we had it, cost a lot and only last us 4 months. It died a transmission death up on Mauna Kea at 9000 ft. Luckily 2 weeks before we lost the Bronco, we had bought a Nissan Maxima as the Bronco was costing over $100 to fill up every week and we decide a second car might actually be cheaper and it was certianly more convienient. So after 3 tows to get it to our house to sit for 4 months until we could sell it for almost nothing, at least we had another car left. Unfortunately, it took us a few months to find out that we had bought another lemon. Ughhh. Random things don't work, the A/C is a joke, the wheel bearings are starting to make noise, we paid a lot more than we thought we'd have to to have the front suspention repaired... And then tonight - it won't start, the stupid thing won't start. It was a blessing that it wouldn't start in Kona, instead of in Hawi 80 miles away where we were this afternoon. I'm sure our car insurance is hating us, 3 tows later in 9 months. At first we thought it was just the battery, but after walking a mile to Walmart and then getting a ride from friends - the new battery didn't make a lick of difference. So tow truck o tow truck come and get us. It was an interesting ride - as every tow truck expereince has been here in Hawaii. A scraggly dude, speaking pidgin, who barely knows what the levers on his truck are for comes to the rescue and then smokes in the cab on our way to the car shop. Too much fun!!!
Although car problems in themselves are not a blessing or goodness! Here are some good things!
1. We had friends that met us at Walmart so we didn't have to carry the 40 pound battery a mile back to the car.
2. We had fun chatting with our friends while we tried to fix the car.
3. The tow truck didn't kill us or put too many dents in our car.
4. Walking home at night in Hawaii is much warmer than in Colorado in late October.
5. The car didn't break down the other 5 times we stopped today many many miles from home.
6. We are healthy with good legs to walk or ride our bike to work tomorrow.
7. Work is close and it won't take too much time to walk or ride.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Learning to be a Friend, Loving being a Friend
"Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?"- Proverbs 17:17
I must say that the last month has been one of my most difficult. Maybe that is because it is so fresh in my mind, or maybe it is because it really has been the most difficult. My heart aches daily and tears are about 5 seconds from my eyes at any moment. I try not to be the kill joy at work, at friends gatherings - but I have a hard time relaxing or letting myself back to my carefree life of the last year. I feel this way, not because I've lost or been hurt myself, but because close friends of mine are traveling a road nobody would ever wish on their worst enemy.
What does it mean to "share troubles"? I know I haven't quite figured it out yet, I know that I've made mistakes in the process - but most of all I know that I must "share troubles." I have no choice, these are my dear friends, I must love and share. I have to admit that I don't fully understand how prayer works - but I feel stuck in that prayer is the only avenue of "sharing the troubles" most of the time. I wish to do more, but know that more may not be what is needed. May God guide me, as I need serious guidance in figuring out how to be a friend during these times.
God is good. I say this because I know that He is the one who is sustaining my friends, He is the one that gives them hope, joy, and peace during these trials. He is the ultimate friend - the ultimate giver - the ultimate savior. May I just be who he wants me to be in this time. May I have ears to hear His voice as he gives me my little jobs in "sharing troubles."
I'm being blessed by those experiencing the trials!? Why is it that I feel like I'm the one benefiting from the friendship in times like these? I have learned so much from my friends and been blessed by their grace and love toward me during their trials. These more difficult life trials have been given to them before I've had my turn. They have shown me how to trust God through the good, the bad, and the very ugly. They are living proof that God can somehow redeem the evil in this world and truly has a beautiful plan for those who love Him. My good friend here in Hawaii who found out today that she has malignant cancer said, "I'll call you tomorrow and see how you are doing." How I'm doing? The love we get to receive and give as sisters in Christ is beyond words. Just beyond words. Praise God that we get to share our troubles and share in our friend's troubles.
"Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil." -- Baltasar Gracian (1647).
I must say that the last month has been one of my most difficult. Maybe that is because it is so fresh in my mind, or maybe it is because it really has been the most difficult. My heart aches daily and tears are about 5 seconds from my eyes at any moment. I try not to be the kill joy at work, at friends gatherings - but I have a hard time relaxing or letting myself back to my carefree life of the last year. I feel this way, not because I've lost or been hurt myself, but because close friends of mine are traveling a road nobody would ever wish on their worst enemy.
What does it mean to "share troubles"? I know I haven't quite figured it out yet, I know that I've made mistakes in the process - but most of all I know that I must "share troubles." I have no choice, these are my dear friends, I must love and share. I have to admit that I don't fully understand how prayer works - but I feel stuck in that prayer is the only avenue of "sharing the troubles" most of the time. I wish to do more, but know that more may not be what is needed. May God guide me, as I need serious guidance in figuring out how to be a friend during these times.
God is good. I say this because I know that He is the one who is sustaining my friends, He is the one that gives them hope, joy, and peace during these trials. He is the ultimate friend - the ultimate giver - the ultimate savior. May I just be who he wants me to be in this time. May I have ears to hear His voice as he gives me my little jobs in "sharing troubles."
I'm being blessed by those experiencing the trials!? Why is it that I feel like I'm the one benefiting from the friendship in times like these? I have learned so much from my friends and been blessed by their grace and love toward me during their trials. These more difficult life trials have been given to them before I've had my turn. They have shown me how to trust God through the good, the bad, and the very ugly. They are living proof that God can somehow redeem the evil in this world and truly has a beautiful plan for those who love Him. My good friend here in Hawaii who found out today that she has malignant cancer said, "I'll call you tomorrow and see how you are doing." How I'm doing? The love we get to receive and give as sisters in Christ is beyond words. Just beyond words. Praise God that we get to share our troubles and share in our friend's troubles.
"Friendship multiplies the good of life and divides the evil." -- Baltasar Gracian (1647).
Friday, October 24, 2008
Ruthless Trust
I had a nice long chat with my dear friend and bible study leader in Loveland. After our discussion she sent this exerpt from Ruthless Trust - B Manning
It speaks volumes to me right now and I wanted to share it.
Fourteenth-century theologian and mystic John Tauler prayed for eight years that God would send him a person who would teach him the true way of perfection. One day, while at prayer, he heard a voice from within telling him to go outside to the steps of the church, and there he would meet his mentor. He obeyed without hesitation. On the church steps Tauler found a barefoot ragamuffin in rags, wounded and caked with blood. Tauler greeted the man cordially: "Good morning, dear brother. May God give you a good day and grant you a happy life. "Sir" replied the ragamuffin, " I do not remember ever having a bad day."Stunned, Tauler asked him how that was possible, since sadness and grief are part of the human condition.The beggar explained, "You wished me a good day, and I replied that I cannot recall ever having spent a bad day. You see, whether my stomach is full or I am famished with hunger, I praise God equally; when I am rebuffed and despised, I still thank God. My trust in God's providence and his plan for my life is absolute, so there is no such thing as a bad day."He continued, "Sir, you also wished me a happy life. I must insist that I am always happy for it would be untruthful to state otherwise. My experience of God has taught me that whatever He does must of necessity be good. Thus, everything that I receive from his loving hand or whatever He permits me to receive from the hands of others--be it prosperity or adversity, sweet or bitter--I accept with joy and see it as a sign of His favor. For many. many years now, my first resolution each morning is to attach myself to nothing but the will of God alone. I have learned that the will of God is the love of God. And by the outpouring of His grace, I have so merged my will with His that whatever He wills, I will too. Therefore, I have always been Happy."the beggar's witness to Jesus Christ lay in ruthless trust in the love of God and in the determination "for all things, give thanks" (1 Thes 5:8).
Later in his life, Tauler wrote that is amalgam of trust and gratitude is the shortest path to God. So why would I refer to "ruthless trust"? Webster's dictionary defines the adjective ruthless as "without pity". I use the word, in this context of trust, to mean "without self pity", because is the arch-enemy of trust.That does not mean all self-pity has to go. When the shadow of Jesus' cross darkens our space, when pain and suffering intrude and our secure, well-regulated lives are blown apart, when tragedy makes its unwelcome appearance and we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our won heartache, when courage flied out the window and the world around us suddenly seems hard and menacing, self-pity is the first, normal unavoidable, and probably right reaction; and we only exhaust ourselves further is we attempt to suppress it.
Human experience has taught me that there is no effective way to fight self-pity. Sure, we can spiritualize heartbreak, camouflage our emotions, and tap-dance into religiosity. But such bravado is a denial of our humanity, and furthermore it does not work. We are not spiritual robots but sensitive persons. However, there comes a time when self-pity becomes malignant, seducing us into self-destructive behavioral patterns of withdrawal, isolations, drinking, drugging, and so forth. We simply ask for the grace to set a time lilmit on our self-pity.
Ruthless Trust by B Manning beginning of chapter 12
It speaks volumes to me right now and I wanted to share it.
Fourteenth-century theologian and mystic John Tauler prayed for eight years that God would send him a person who would teach him the true way of perfection. One day, while at prayer, he heard a voice from within telling him to go outside to the steps of the church, and there he would meet his mentor. He obeyed without hesitation. On the church steps Tauler found a barefoot ragamuffin in rags, wounded and caked with blood. Tauler greeted the man cordially: "Good morning, dear brother. May God give you a good day and grant you a happy life. "Sir" replied the ragamuffin, " I do not remember ever having a bad day."Stunned, Tauler asked him how that was possible, since sadness and grief are part of the human condition.The beggar explained, "You wished me a good day, and I replied that I cannot recall ever having spent a bad day. You see, whether my stomach is full or I am famished with hunger, I praise God equally; when I am rebuffed and despised, I still thank God. My trust in God's providence and his plan for my life is absolute, so there is no such thing as a bad day."He continued, "Sir, you also wished me a happy life. I must insist that I am always happy for it would be untruthful to state otherwise. My experience of God has taught me that whatever He does must of necessity be good. Thus, everything that I receive from his loving hand or whatever He permits me to receive from the hands of others--be it prosperity or adversity, sweet or bitter--I accept with joy and see it as a sign of His favor. For many. many years now, my first resolution each morning is to attach myself to nothing but the will of God alone. I have learned that the will of God is the love of God. And by the outpouring of His grace, I have so merged my will with His that whatever He wills, I will too. Therefore, I have always been Happy."the beggar's witness to Jesus Christ lay in ruthless trust in the love of God and in the determination "for all things, give thanks" (1 Thes 5:8).
Later in his life, Tauler wrote that is amalgam of trust and gratitude is the shortest path to God. So why would I refer to "ruthless trust"? Webster's dictionary defines the adjective ruthless as "without pity". I use the word, in this context of trust, to mean "without self pity", because is the arch-enemy of trust.That does not mean all self-pity has to go. When the shadow of Jesus' cross darkens our space, when pain and suffering intrude and our secure, well-regulated lives are blown apart, when tragedy makes its unwelcome appearance and we are deaf to everything but the shriek of our won heartache, when courage flied out the window and the world around us suddenly seems hard and menacing, self-pity is the first, normal unavoidable, and probably right reaction; and we only exhaust ourselves further is we attempt to suppress it.
Human experience has taught me that there is no effective way to fight self-pity. Sure, we can spiritualize heartbreak, camouflage our emotions, and tap-dance into religiosity. But such bravado is a denial of our humanity, and furthermore it does not work. We are not spiritual robots but sensitive persons. However, there comes a time when self-pity becomes malignant, seducing us into self-destructive behavioral patterns of withdrawal, isolations, drinking, drugging, and so forth. We simply ask for the grace to set a time lilmit on our self-pity.
Ruthless Trust by B Manning beginning of chapter 12
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Something a bit lighter - surfing
Seeing God's goodness in today. One of my closest friends here in Hawaii asked me to go surfing this morning at Keei (kay-aye). We got there and well, the surf rolling is was double over head high. Her sized waves, but not my sized waves - I'm more of a petite size girl right now - but hey I'm there to be in the water. I'm not dumb, just eager to get some exercise. Instead of surfing, we'll call me a close range surf spectator, or maybe shark bait. I paddled out and stayed to the far right away from the breaking waves and watched the other more experienced surfers ride. It was so refreshing just be out in the water - time to reflect and pray as I watch huge waves crash on the reef. I do miss long walks in the Colorado wilderness, but the Hawaii wilderness is out in the water. Between waves and trying to stay out of them I enjoyed watching the black trigger fishes splash the surface and the Hawaiian Sergents and yellow tangs cruise around the reef. And then right before I was going to head in - a whole pod of dolphins scooted along the reefs edge, baby's jumping, mama's spinning.
More surfing - it has been weeks since we've had good surf - so this afternoon Aaron and I headed down to our preferred beginner surf spot, Kahaluu. Preferred because the reef is at least a couple feet deeper and for beginners because there is a nice smaller inside wave. Paddling out a turtle came up 4 feet from my board - I think he winked at me. I think I can actually call what I did this time surfing. I've discovered that I have a lot more fun just catching the bigger whitewash from the outside break - no hassle in having to be in just the right place. Makes for a nice little ride. How sweet it was - Aaron and I got up on same whitewash together - somehow facing each other and rode together for a while throwing each other shakas. Aaron went down and I think I rode it for like 8 more seconds because it broke again(this is a long ride for me!) So refreshing - we finally feel like we are getting somewhere with this surfing thing - we actually stand up most of the time, we are more confident in the water, and get in the wrong place less often.
Lord, thank you for your goodness - this beautiful earth and getting to enjoy it.
More surfing - it has been weeks since we've had good surf - so this afternoon Aaron and I headed down to our preferred beginner surf spot, Kahaluu. Preferred because the reef is at least a couple feet deeper and for beginners because there is a nice smaller inside wave. Paddling out a turtle came up 4 feet from my board - I think he winked at me. I think I can actually call what I did this time surfing. I've discovered that I have a lot more fun just catching the bigger whitewash from the outside break - no hassle in having to be in just the right place. Makes for a nice little ride. How sweet it was - Aaron and I got up on same whitewash together - somehow facing each other and rode together for a while throwing each other shakas. Aaron went down and I think I rode it for like 8 more seconds because it broke again(this is a long ride for me!) So refreshing - we finally feel like we are getting somewhere with this surfing thing - we actually stand up most of the time, we are more confident in the water, and get in the wrong place less often.
Lord, thank you for your goodness - this beautiful earth and getting to enjoy it.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Seeing God's Goodness
Psalms 27:13,14
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
I write this knowing the truth, but fighting through the muck of this world that tells me things are not good. I guess it is really is a perceptual issue - and I ask myself - can their be good in the bad? Is that possible, or is the bad just really bad? How does God redeem the bad, when the bad doesn't go away? He can add good to the bad, but not take away the bad. Maybe that is the point, that here on earth things will always be good and bad. Only in heaven are things only good. This year has been full of lots of hard stuff - friends miscarriages, a friend losing a spouse, a couple of friends losing their babies, friend's and family losing their parent, family and friends experiencing major illness and pain - sadness almost too much to bear. Maybe I just have the wrong perception of death and pain - for those we know are going to heaven - death isn't a bad thing , it's a good thing and pain - it is temporary. I myself am not fearful or scared of dying. But being the one left on earth to grief - I find death and pain to be bad things, hard things, things I'd rather not be dealing with. But who do I think I am - everyone dies and pain is sure to continue coming - why would I think that I would be immune. I will likely watch many of the closest people in my life die and suffer pain. I do feel like the reality of death and pain has set me straight in some ways - it makes my purpose as a follower of Christ more clear, it makes me cherish the time I do have here a lot more and it makes me know where my real home is. This journey of life is a work in progress - full of all emotions - fun ones and hard ones. May I be able to see the beauty in sorrow someday - I'm just not there yet. Yet I will be confident in the Goodness of the Lord - I will wait for Him and be strong and take heart!
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