Surrender

This was the theme of the women's retreat I attended this weekend. Before the thoughts escape me, I want to recap what God laid on my heart.

Definition of Surrender:
1. To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
2. To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion:

Surrendering ourselves to the Lord means - giving up my dreams and desires to follow His will for my life. Trusting Him that His plan for my life is better - even if it is harder. Obeying Him so that I can know his will and He can use me to His full desire.

Practically this means - making a routine of daily devotions (I'm not very good at this even though I've experienced the great benefits when I do it), developing mentoring relationships both directions, pouring the heart God gives me into people who need it.

God slowly develops surrender in us, it isn't easy and it is a daily battle. Our main lessons revolved around Esther. In the end, she followed her call in life knowing that the consequences could be death. It worked out in her favor, which is not always the case, but she had to surrender to the Lord in order to follow His will for her life - which was to save many Jewish lives.

I like to be in control, a lot. Surrendering my hopes and desires on a daily basis is very much a work in practice. I remember getting the news that they had hired under my contract and we would be moved away from Kona in January of 2009. I cried and struggled why God allowed this. I pouted in Maui (please don't hate me) because it was hard and I wanted to be near my friends. I think I pouted a lot because it wasn't my choice. Although I maintained my old friendships, I really believe I missed out on valuable ministry opportunities because I choose not to connect and put effort into the place God had put us. In the scheme of life being moved is so minor - God had gifts for us there. He had things to teach me - looking back, learning to surrender is one of them. Sometimes we learn best from failures and natural consequences.

This surrender becomes absolutely necessary at the turning points in our lives - AKA the really hard and crappy times - when we have no control. We all get different lots, our pains and sufferings are all different and unique. However, these turning points in our life test our faith - our surrendering ability. Do we trust God when the world falls apart and it is not as it should be? I feel in this sense my faith has had very little testing, my refining fire up to now has been very gentle. I don't know my lot in life, but I want to be a women like Esther who will surrender myself for God's greater purposes.

Surrendering my Children - this can't escape my thoughts and is on my mind often. Last week I was listening to Christian radio on my way home for lunch and the guy was talking about worry and our children. Just getting past our MRSA horribleness - I'm an admitted germaphob. I wonder if I'm doing everything I can to prevent pain like that again. I got chills as he spoke and knew God wanted to speak to me through him. Essentially the point was that we should put reasonable safe guards in place to protect our children, but we can't trust our safe guards - we can only trust the Lord. When we trust the safe guards we worry because they are not fool proof - things can still go wrong. When we do our very best and trust God, we do not need to be anxious. The risks are no different and God is in control either way. He tells us in many places that worry is not good - to give Him my anxieties because He is in control. He gives and he takes away - God allows these things and He is no less in control. I can't live my life scared, anxious or paranoid. God has many other thing he needs my mind and heart to be focused on and focusing on fear and worry has serious side affects. A spirit of fear is not from the Lord - Trust in the Lord. Surrendering is a big part of me giving my children (Autumn and future children) to God. (I want to acknowledge that this is my limited understanding, is certainly simplified and is what I needed to hear at this time in my walk - in no way am I trying to be trite or insensitive to others struggles)

God take me and use me for your will! I trust you and can therefore surrender everything to you.