My heart has been heavy this week. Sorrow lingers and the pain of loss continues. I started my blog about a year ago after a tragedy. One of my dear friends lost her infant to SIDS - gut wrenching, awful and not understandable. One year ago we celebrated the life of sweet Grace singing "In Christ Alone" and shedding painful tears at her memorial service. Tonight I am shedding tears with a slightly heightened understanding of the pain - as Autumn is sleeping on my chest. Aaron and I now have the one tangible thing in life that brings the most joy and also has the potential to bring the absolute most grief and heartache - a child. Only God can ease the brokenness and comfort the aching souls of those who have lost a child.
Over this year I journeyed through trying to figure out how to be a long-distant friend after tragedy. I still don't know how. Sometimes the best I can do is quietly cry and pray in the shower.
Another thing I have learned more about this year is graciousness. The explanation given at Grace's memorial service of what grace is was completely convicting. It is something I struggle with - I am way more apt to blame, accuse and get angry about wrong doing and I tend to assume that people's intentions were harmful instead of accidental. Grace is undeserved favor - a gift God gives us and that we are to give each other. I need more grace in my life and I continue to pray that God helps me to grant grace to those around me so that they may see a better picture of God's grace. I pray that my gut reactions are gracious, assuming the best and not the worst. It is a work in process.
This next year I look forward to being part of my friend's non-profit foundation. I'm completely honored and eager to start my roll on the Board of Directors as the Content Developer. I get to be the researcher and help write content related to prevention and education regarding SIDS and infant death.
Please continue praying for my friend, her husband and their family and friends. The road is long, ugly and hard. My biggest prayer is the name of my blog - that in the land of the living we will see God's goodness. Not all things are good and tragedy is real and most difficult - but I want to see that He will prevail.
Psalms 27:13,14 I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD
2 comments:
Praying alongside you for your dear friends. Few days go by that I don't think of them and pray. It's so strange because I don't even know them, but it is entirely on my heart to pray and has been since that day.
Thank you Ashley. Your e-friendship and support this year has been lovely.
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